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The last few years have been characterized by a great deal of loneliness. A recent survey conducted by Harvard found that 36 percent of respondents reported feelings of “serious” loneliness . And while there’s now quick fix for feelings of isolation, there is a psychologist-approved balm that can remind you just how loved (and not  alone) you truly are: ecomaps. An ecomap is really more like a social support chart, according to relationship psychotherapist Elizabeth Fedrick, LPC .  “ An eco map is a tool used to create a visual representation of your social supports, connections, and primary relationships, as well as to identify the strengths and areas of need for each of these connections,” she says.  When our entire social ecosystem only exists in our heads or in our phones, it’s hard to picture the magnitude of the circle around us. “It is also valuable to see where you could benefit from setting boundaries in relationships or possibly decreasing the amount of outp...

It’s widely known that for many things in life, bigger isn’t necessarily better. (Just take tiny gift-wrapped boxes containing precious jewelry for example.) That sentiment absolutely stands for penis size, as well. And yet, when many pleasure-seekers of any anatomy learn their penis-having partner isn’t on the larger side, they may worry their sex life will suffer. Well, it’s time to put those worries to rest, once and for all: A smaller penis is no more an indicator that intercourse will be bad than a big penis is an indicator it will be good. In fact, “what matters is how a lover uses the penis they’ve got,” says sex educator Searah Deysach , owner of pleasure-product company Early to Bed . It’s worth noting that it’s not just partners of penis-havers who may prize size. According to a review of 21 studies, the average erect penis is around 5.1 inches length , but perhaps even lower, given the likelihood of embellishment in self-reporting. One study found that the majority of pen...

We’ve been watching friendships end in a dramatic, fiery way on reality TV for decades. Think: Jill and Bethenny on RHONY to Christine and Heather on Selling Sunset . But in actual reality, most friendships die in a much more mundane way—we simply, slowly, begin to drift away. Talking and texting peters off, and the relationship eventually just kind of…ends. “There are a lot of different types of friendships,” says psychotherapist Aimee Daramus, PsyD . “There are the close friends you can count on for anything and tell all your secrets to, but there are also friends you party with, friends you have intellectual discussions with, or share an important cause with, or play a sport with.” Since there are so many different types of friendships, would it be helpful to DTR with our friends, the way we do in romantic relationships ? Meaning: being clear about expectations and norms, instead of just taking for granted that everyone is working from the same friendship definition and expectati...

There’s no right or wrong way to go about dating (though, do steer clear of manipulative and damaging behaviors like love-bombing and ghosting ), but knowing when you’ve found a connection worth pursuing beyond a first date can be tricky. While common wisdom holds that you’ll simply “feel it” when you’ve found a promising potential match, what if you let go of hope too soon? Some folks don’t give the best first impressions, may be having an off day, or simply are more likely to give you more of a slow and steady burn rather than a quick-hit fireworks. With this in mind, are there cases when you should go on a second date, even after feeling a lack of a spark on a first date? According to a number of relationship experts and psychologists, the answer is “absolutely.” “If you are waiting for the initial spark in a literal sense—that immediate, visceral flash of attraction to a new person—you could potentially be waiting forever and overlooking the heart of a good relationship right in ...

For most of my life, I assumed that I was heterosexual, despite the tingle of attraction I often felt in response to people who don’t identify as men. I, quite simply, ignored the feeling. But, recently, at age 28, I finally came to understand, accept, and celebrate my identity as a bisexual woman. And with the intention of exploring and embracing my sexuality, I started using dating apps as a bisexual woman to see what my new dating normal would look like. Apprehensively, I logged onto three apps: Bumble , HER (a woman-centered dating app), and Lex (a queer-focused dating and connection app for LGBTQ+ folks). On each of the apps, I turned my settings to “everyone:” women, men, and nonbinary folks, who were all of different orientations themselves . I was excited to interact with folks who shared a queer identity. Within the first few months I used the apps, I matched with about 30 people, including cis-gender men, who were mostly heterosexual; cis-gender women, who were bisexual, ...

I vividly remember the day in kindergarten when my teacher asked the class to repeat after her: “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” Commonly referred to as “the golden rule,” this phrase means well and does hit on notes of empathy that are crucial to healthy relationships with others. But, as I’ve realized into adulthood, the golden rule doesn’t effectively allow room for the nuance of personal preferences. That’s where “the platinum rule” really shines—and why I’ve adopted it as a guiding light for how to approach all of my relationships. The platinum rule specifies that we should treat others the way they want to be treated, which relationship experts say make it more efficient for relationship-building than its golden counterpart. Adhering strictly to the golden rule “becomes a problem because what works for you may not work for your partner, coworker, or friend,” says Karla Zambrano-Morrison, LMFT . “Treating everyone how you would like to be treated doesn’t take int...

Honesty is essential in any relationship and a key component of building trust . But brutal honesty, well, that’s a different story. Often people disguise these types of cruel comments or judgemental behavior as “just being real,” but if left unchecked, it can lead to a toxic relationship dynamic. The red flag is literally in the term brutal honesty.  Still, differentiating between healthy honesty versus brutal honesty can be tricky, especially when there are many other relationship red flags to look out for (and green, yellow, and orange flags , too). To help with this, below experts spell out the difference between the two, explain how brutal honesty can morph into emotional abuse, and share tips on what to do if someone is brutally honest with you. Healthy honesty vs. brutal honesty Sanam Hafeez, PsyD, an New York City-based neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind , defines healthy honesty as being open with each other without judgment, which helps build ...

Pisces is a spiritual, mystical sign of the zodiac, and they tend to be extremely emotional, both in their own sensitivities and in taking on those of their friends and loved ones (especially those of their partner). So, who are Pisces compatible with? The signs most likely to vibe with Pisces will also have a naturally empathetic side and know how to put themselves in their partner’s shoes, to  feel  their feeling too, and to understand them on a cathartic level. “Neptune rules Pisces, and their zodiac element is water, so Pisces are the most compassionate, wise, generous, inventive, flexible, open-minded, romantic, selfless, and emotionally sensitive zodiac signs,” says Emily Newman, psychic reader, spiritual healer, counselor, and astrologer at The Best of Psychic Reader . However, on the flip-side, they aren’t the most hardworking and ambitious people, and can get too caught up in their emotions and empathy, as a means for internal reflection and coping mechanisms, ...

Ever met someone—whether a friend, a coworker, or a potential romantic partner—whom you felt like you hit it off with immediately? Someone who possesses similar values and even share your interests? It’s natural to gravitate to people you click with in this way, and when it happens, you may—even if subconsciously—puts them in a prioritized category above others. There’s nothing inherently wrong with this, but sometimes the associated eagerness and hopefulness for strong connection can shield us from seeing potential red flags in a person . And this is far from ideal when we’ve already decided they essentially cannot do any wrong—and trust that they won’t. There are times when optimism can shift into delusional optimism, and this can lead people to be too trusting of others. That is, we may cling to visions of a positive person and disregard reality, facts, and other clear evidence that point to who a person really is. When we build someone up in our mind to be one thing, we want to ...

A great strategy for effectively communicating with people who may have different points of view than your own is to have an open mind and be willing to listen. But depending on who you are, the issue at hand, and how passionate you feel about it, you may not be willing to budge in your perspective—or even consider differing thoughts. But, folks who are open to what others may have to say are likely to have more intellectual humility, which can be beneficial for relationships. Intellectual humility is “the recognition that what you believe to be true may be wrong,” says social and personality psychologist Mark Leary, PhD . In a series of studies published in 2017 focused on measuring intellectual humility, Dr. Leary, along with other researchers, found intellectually humble people to be open-minded, curious, and less conceited about their beliefs, among other findings. But, if you’re concerned that holding this virtue may put you at risk of subscribing to beliefs that are antitheti...

As a modern love therapist, I see clients of various genders, sexualities, cultures, and races, and I have found that regardless of identity, most unions of at least two people contain a pursuer and a withdrawer. When we are stressed or fearful in relationships, we take up behaviors that make us feel safe, and the resulting dynamic is often similar to a game of cat (pursuer) and mouse (withdrawer). This setup is common, and it can prevent us from experiencing easy and soulful connection—but this doesn’t have to be the case. Let’s begin with breaking down what it means to be a withdrawer, who finds safety in retreating. At their best, they are highly dependable and take great care in not disappointing others. But when they sense impending conflict, judgment, or rejection, they pull back. Withdrawers seek hiding places, like working long hours, and are often referred to as being self-sufficient, because the last thing they want is to be a burden on others. They believe that if they don’...

Let’s say you’re quietly sitting alone at a party and you notice people gravitating toward someone else in the room who’s laughing and seems to come across as generally gregarious. You may then wonder, Why aren’t they coming toward me? What makes that person ‘the life of the party’? Well, it could simply be that the person laughing seems easier to get along with. While you can’t determine how likable someone is based only on setting your eyes on them, there is a diagnostic you can use: The “Likable Person Test” ( which you can take here ) is meant to be a fun, non-diagnostic tool to tell you where you rank on seven traits of likability (friendliness, humor, happiness, kindness, positivity, tolerance, and honesty). The test, created by Individual Differences Research labs , is informed by psychologist Stephen Reysen, PhD ’s eponymous likability scale research, which found, among other conclusions, that laughter correlates to a person being perceived as more likable. And while Dr. Rey...

Whether it’s in your personal, professional, or romantic life, conflict is pretty much inevitable. And because a person’s astrological sign can be telling about their personality traits, learning how the zodiac signs fight can help inform a solid strategy for resolving any conflicts that present. According to astrologers, checking out someone’s sun sign (which is what you tend to read for in a daily horoscope) isn’t necessarily the best indicator of the way they navigate challenges. Since Mercury, the planet of communication , is so integral to the way in which we talk things out, that’s the planet that’s best associated with deescalating a fight. (To find your Mercury sign, input the time, date, and location of your birth and into an astrology app or online birth chart generator .) “When you’re looking at someone’s Mercury sign, you’re getting an idea of how they’re processing their thoughts.” —astrologer Monisha Holmes, MSW “When you’re looking at someone’s Mercury sign , you’r...